{ Fernando Horta } → Racing Games

Race report: Road America Press Conference: Horta and Ozzy Speak

The rain held off for the post-race media session at Road America, leaving only the damp smell of old asphalt and bewildered journalists.

63 laps were completed by nobody on the grid, because this was a 13-lap affair where Fernando Horta climbed from 9th on the grid to take the win by nearly thirty seconds.

(Garth Vader - Heavy Metal Gazette) Mr. Horta, you started down in 9th and carved through thirty cars to win by 28 seconds. Was that tactical genius or did you simply take a shortcut through the cheese factories?

Fernando Horta: We just turned the wheel right, mostly. Sometimes left. The Corvette liked the straight bits.

(Sharon Osbourne - Metal Management) As Fernando's new PR representation, I want to know why nobody was biting the heads off bats in the pit lane. The discipline in this paddock is appalling.

Ozzy Osbourne: *bites the head off a pit lane microphone* Sharon, where are my slippers?

(Rex St. John - Circuit Chronicles) Jon Wathen started on pole in the Maserati and finished second. Did you even notice him ahead of you?

Fernando Horta: Not really. He was just a red blur that got smaller until it turned into a mirror.

*Radio remix from the #63 pit wall:*
Crew: Fernando, your lap times are frightening.
Horta: That's just the differential whining.
Crew: No, Ozzy is howling into the intercom again.
Horta: Tell him to sing Bark at the Moon when I pit.

Ps. Lost and found in the paddock: one pair of purple stage trousers, slightly greasy, smelling faintly of bat wings and gear oil. Please claim from the garage #63 wall.

Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a offline race against AI-driven opponents. All characters are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Classification

Position		Driver	Team	Car	Laps	Gap	Grid	Best Lap
1		FERNANDO HORTA	CORVETTE RACING	CHEVROLET CORVETTE C6-R GT2	13	0:28:35.787	9	2:08.987
2		JON WATHEN	MASERATI CORSE	MASERATI TROFEO LIGHT	13	+ 28.928	1	2:11.333
3		LOU MASCIARELLI	JMB RACING	FERRARI F430 GT2	13	+ 39.309	3	2:11.605
4		BRAD MERYS	CHAMBERLAIN MOTORSPORT	TVR T400R	13	+ 41.496	5	2:11.835
5		RICH HROMIN	MATECH MUSTANG RACING	FORD MUSTANG FR500-GT	13	+ 42.501	2	2:12.618
6		DAVID POEL	SPYKER SQUADRON	SPYKER C8 SPYDER GT2-R	13	+ 58.389	7	2:13.466
7		DAVID CANAVAN	SCHUBERT MOTORSPORT	BMW Z4 GT3	13	+ 58.917	10	2:12.832
8		TRACY NOLTE	AF CORSE	FERRARI F430 GT2	13	+ 01:00.335	4	2:13.146
9		AL MARIMON	MATECH MUSTANG RACING	FORD MUSTANG FR500-GT	13	+ 01:00.868	11	2:12.210
10		SOL LEUNG	REITER ENGINEERING	LAMBORGHINI GALLARDO LP560	13	+ 01:01.716	16	2:11.770
11		GREGORY MYERS	KISSLING MOTORSPORT	CHEVROLET CORVETTE ZO6R GT3	13	+ 01:03.393	14	2:13.287
12		EIRAN PARSONS	KISSLING MOTORSPORT	CHEVROLET CORVETTE ZO6R GT3	13	+ 01:07.735	20	2:13.378
13		TONY ATKINS	ROCKETSPORTS RACING	JAGUAR XKR GT	13	+ 01:08.861	6	2:13.418
14		ERIC MARECKI	PHOENIX RACING	AUDI R8 GT3 LMS	13	+ 01:08.925	12	2:13.407
15		MARTIN CHEVRIER	MULTIMATIC MOTORSPORT	PANOZ ESPERANTE GTLM	13	+ 01:11.667	25	2:12.388
16		CHRISTIAN HAMILTON	CORVETTE RACING	CHEVROLET CORVETTE C6-R GT2	13	+ 01:12.698	8	2:14.008
17		KENNY MERVIN	TEAM FALKEN TIRE	PORSCHE 997 GT3-RSR	13	+ 01:13.126	13	2:14.415
18		SIMON GOODWIN	HEXIS RACING	ASTON MARTIN DBRS9	13	+ 01:13.720	15	2:13.859
19		VINCENT LOI	REITER ENGINEERING	LAMBORGHINI GALLARDO LP560	13	+ 01:14.222	24	2:13.433
20		CHRIS DURAND	GRAVITY RACING	MOSLER MT900R	13	+ 01:15.026	17	2:15.281
21		JACK NEWTON	ERG MOTORSPORT	MARCOS LM600	13	+ 01:16.762	19	2:14.859
22		CHUCK CARTER	MASERATI CORSE	MASERATI TROFEO LIGHT	13	+ 01:17.154	28	2:13.304
23		MITCH VAMOS	KRK RACING	VIPER COMPETITION COUPE	13	+ 01:19.257	26	2:14.505
24		JOHNNY LUGNUTS	JMB RACING	FERRARI F430 GT2	13	+ 01:19.737	23	2:14.298
25		ROBERT OTTO	DRAYSON RACING	ASTON MARTIN VANTAGE GT2	13	+ 01:20.651	18	2:14.799
26		JARROD KEEN	DRAYSON RACING	ASTON MARTIN VANTAGE GT2	13	+ 01:21.657	21	2:15.004
27		CHRIS MOSES	BMW MOTORSPORT	BMW E46 M3 GTR	13	+ 01:22.280	22	2:14.906
28		SAM ROLFE	HHF HYBRID RACING	GUMPERT APOLLO	13	+ 01:22.647	27	2:14.955
29		GUP DOUGLAS	BMW MOTORSPORT	BMW E46 M3 GTR	13	+ 01:24.134	30	2:15.400
30		ANDREW WERNER	SPYKER SQUADRON	SPYKER C8 SPYDER GT2-R	13	+ 01:24.526	29	2:14.176

Related Images

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